James P. Behr

About My Journey as a Writer, and How “Bear and Girl” Came Into Being

by James P. Behr

I started getting silver-grey hair when I was 17 years old – a trait I inherited from my mother. Over time, my hair has turned silver-white and since I’m Canadian, I decided that my online avatar would be a polar bear. Indeed, although my online name is James, all of my online friends call me Bear.

I‘ve enjoyed writing since grade school, but somehow couldn’t get the hang of writing fiction. However, I started writing non-fiction for professional reasons, and got pretty good at it – good enough that I was, over time, able to publish seven non-fiction books, all of which sold quite well.

I eventually changed professions and no longer needed to write non-fiction, but still had the itch to write. So, I found a website for amateur writers, and tried my hand at writing fiction again.

To my delight, I found that now that I have a greater depth of experience, have read many more fiction books and stories, and acquired more self-confidence, I was finally able to write stories of which I was proud. Since then, writing fiction stories has become my favorite pastime.

Over time, some of my readers began to say nice things about my stories, which encouraged me to write more of them.

Then, one day, I sent a message to a woman who had commented favorably on a number of stories, thanking her for her kind words. She replied, and I replied, and we gradually developed a friendship, chatting back and forth over a period of weeks.

As she slowly came to tell me more about herself, I began to realize that she was being abused by her partner – and often went to bed frightened and crying after being beaten. For her, the online community was an escape from the horrible reality of her daily life.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also very cautious because although I have been married for many years, my marriage has been happy, and I knew nothing about abusive relationships.

Consequently, I contacted another of my online friends whom I knew had escaped an abusive marriage, and was now in a happy second marriage. I asked her for advice, which she gave me, plus she directed me to a website for people who were being abused, such as www.thehotline.org.

In essence, both my friend and the people on the phone at the Hotline told me I had to be patient and not push my abused friend into trying to do things to remedy her situation. Someone who is being abused may be at even greater risk if their abuser decides they are trying to escape. As a result, abused people will tend to seem overly cautious to people who have not been abused. Difficult as it is to accept, only the abused know what they are experiencing. 

Indeed, one of the most difficult parts of being abused is that people either don’t believe that you are being abused, or that you can’t just leave. This is particularly difficult if the people you’re trying to convince are family members. It is not easy to break away from an abuser – yet people won’t believe that.

So my advisors told me to be patient, and in particular to be supportive of my abused friend in whatever she did, even if she seemed to choose to remain where she was.

That was very difficult for me. I am, by nature, someone who wants to attack a problem, not sit by and wait. Moreover, I could tell at times how upset and unhappy she was – and that made it even harder for me to be patient and do nothing.

She at least had her own bedroom, which is why she was able to develop online friendships without her abuser objecting. So, one day, when she was in obvious pain and distress, I made up a story with the intention of helping her get to sleep.

Since my totem is Bear, and my online avatar was a polar bear, the story I made up was about a Polar Bear who discovered a wounded woman, and helped her rediscover herself. And since he didn’t know her name (which I didn’t), he called her Girl. 

And that’s how Bear and Girl came to be. I will tell more about what happened in later blogs.

This is the part of the blog where where the publishers want me to ask you to buya copy of Bear and Girl through Kindle, or in Softcover or Hardcover editions – which I am. However, let me also say that while part of the proceeds will be used to defray the costs of producing the book, they will mostly be used to spread the word to other people to ask them to buy copies of Bear and Girl. Plus if you would tell other people about it, whether in person, online, or in reviews, I would very much appreciate it as word of mouth is absolutely the best kind of advertising. Leaving a rating and a review on Amazon is a way of extending that word of mouth, and would mean a great deal to me.

I’m not seeking to make money from this book. Instead, I am hoping that Bear and Girl will offer comfort to those, like Girl, who need it. This book is my way of trying to do that on a broad scale.

Meanwhile, Girl and I remain in contact, and her life is very much better than it was largely because of her own strength, resilience, and courage.

So please read Bear and Girl. We both appreciate it.

If you would like to contact me, my email address is: Behr@BearandGirl.com

Thank you.

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